DO WORDS MATTER?

The answer is no, and yes. Words only have the meaning that we invest in them. Is there anyone who hasn’t slept through a lecture or tuned out the clatter of a radio in the background? Those words don’t matter because we have given them no importance in our life. Other words can be given too much importance—a harsh rebuke, a scornful rejection, an authoritative judgment.

I grew up with the childhood saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” As those who have been bullied know, that folk wisdom does not aways feel true. But what is true is that we can take responsibility for how we receive words and be more aware of our inherent ability to deflect or to reflect on their messages, according to their value in our life.

“You sing like a frog.” “You must have two left feet.” “Don’t ever come back!” “I hate you.” These kinds of words can become lifetime sentences forming beliefs about ourselves that do not serve us or anyone well. Jesus taught an indelible lesson about how we hear and speak words. The Bible says,

“And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand: There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man. If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.”

And he adds,

“those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.”*

This teaching indicates the powerful position each of us can take to guard ourselves from reacting to what people say and taking in false and debilitating beliefs about ourselves or the world. It isn’t what comes into our lives—what is done to us or what is said to us—that hurts or sullies us. It is what we do with those things that either defiles or sustains us. If we react, ruminate, or fling back the insults, fears, scorn, or judgments that are tossed in our direction, then it is we, ourselves, who are harming us.

We have the power to make mean words mean nothing to us. Just like the background clatter of the radio or TV, we can let the words drop into the dust and never think of them again.

Poet Laureate Joseph Brodsky once wrote:

“Try not to pay attention to those who will try to make life miserable for you. Suffer them if you can’t escape them, but once you have steered clear of them, give them the shortest shrift possible. Above all, try to avoid telling stories about the unjust treatment you received at their hands; avoid it no matter how receptive your audience may be. Tales of this sort extend the existence of your antagonists; most likely they are counting on your being talkative and relating your experience to others. That’s the main principle of any oppressor, whether state-sponsored or autodidact [a self taught person]. Therefore, steal, or still, the echo, so that you don’t allow an event, however unpleasant or momentous, to claim any more time than it took for it to occur. Flip the channel: you can’t put this network out of circulation, but at least you can reduce its ratings.”

Do words matter? Yes, but it’s the words coming out of our own mouths that affect and influence us. Even Jesus’ words will not matter to us if we don’t take them to heart. When we do take them in and let them inhabit our own heart, they flow out of our lives like blessings.

When I hear a harsh word, I like to remind myself that if divine Love did not say it, then it wasn’t said. If Love didn’t hear it then it wasn’t heard. Ultimately, only what God says matters.
*Mark 7:14-16* Matt. 15:18